The People Speak Out

t the time I divorced my husband it was the culmination of years of distress and abuse in various ways towards me and our two daughters. He was well known to many because he was a church organist and had music pupils. Many people (but not clergy), were shocked and some even tearful that our marriage broke up. He was a great charmer with his ‘public’ persona, but at home uncaring, cruel and very deceitful and did not have any real employment apart from pupils with whom he proved unreliable. This of course does not cover the whole story, but it gives a clue to the constant sympathy and care me and our two daughters received from Catholic clergy throughout my marriage since they knew the truth behind the scenes; they knew my husband’s duel character and his criminal record. At the time I decided it was crucial to divorce my husband for our safety, my parish priest was truly wonderful. Other priests were wonderful as well, one coming to stay with me for a few days to be kind to my daughters, another visiting us often, and taking us to stay with him for weekends. Another offered us a home until I sorted things out since we were to be evicted from our house. It took two years to obtain my annulment, my parish priest was practical, kindly and counselled me on the procedure for applying for annulment, correct preparation of statements, and delivered them for the tribunal. I was taken to the tribunal court by another priest friend, wonderfully kind. The tribunal judge was not friendly, but distant and matter of fact, yet, was very polite and efficient so I was in no way uncomfortable. He visited friends and other priests I had known for many years as witnesses and I was kept in touch at all times of the progress of the procedure. Going to mass was not at all difficult to start with and I was invited to join the parish group for divorced and separated Catholics meeting at the presbytery, we always had a priest there, tea/coffee, biscuits and prayers. This was tremendous since were could talk about the heartache and horrors of our situations. I joined the 3rd Order Carmelites – a secular order and met others who had families and work and who were kindly though met very infrequently. Only a year or two into this helpful situation a disaster occurred by way of an obsession from another minister from another denomination and here my story ends since he was and still is huge problem. I tell my story to illustrate the very real kindness that does exist, even if it is not often encountered, among clergy and congregations at Mass, and in Catholic, community. So, it is obvious to me, that going to mass, receiving communion is absolutely crucial to healing and fellowship whether you remarry or not. This needs to be addressed by our Church *urgently* since those broken by divorce, most especially the children, need their Church, and their clergy more than ever before. Remarriage should never preclude those from Mass, annulment or not, since the comfort and healing from Mass can never be underestimated. Welcome and INCLUSION is the way to God, not punishment.{jcomments on}